I'm sad

I'm sad tonight. Actually I've been sad since yesterday. Oh, good things have been happening, no one in my family is hurt. I'm just sad.
A few months ago Focus on the Family and Family Life Today (two of my favorite radio programs...I don't get to listen very often, but listen when I can) did a special program about orphans. I was already very interested in adoption. I began reading more about adoptions. I read a lot in that week. Harrah's (an adoption agency) gave the password to their "Waiting Child" list. For those who don't know, a waiting child list is a list of children waiting for adoption. These children are usually older or have a special need. While looking at Harrah's list, I found a little boy in China with the name of Zhang. Zhang's story grabbed my heart. Zhang was born in January 2002...just a few months after my own son was born (I think, I'm having memeory difficulties right now!) This little boy was abandoned when he was 18 months old. Zhang is deaf. I can't help but think that his birth parents realized that something was not right and thought they could not give him the extra help he would need. I can just imagine them dreaming of the chances he would get if he was adopted.
I prayed for Zhang. I prayed that God would find a family for Zhang. I prayed that Zhang would learn and grow. That he would be loved and learn about Jesus. I prayed for Zhang a lot. Then one day when I went to check on his file, it said that his mommy and daddy were waiting for approval. HE HAD A FAMILY!!! Hooray! I was thrilled. I continued to pray, but did not visit the site for a while. About two months later, I checked again...Zhang was back on the list. Apparently something fell through with his family. Zhang needed a new family. I began praying for that family again. I continued checking, and no family came forward to claim Zhang as their own. Then, Zhang's file had a grant. A grant to help cover adoption expences. Yippee, now someone will come forward. Nope. Then, yesterday I checked, and he's gone. Gone. I emailed Harrah's to find out if he had a family. Unfortunately, they had to send his file back to China because they had his file as long as China would allow. I am still praying for little Zhang. I am just heartbroken.
I know that there are millions of orphans around the world that never get forever families to call their own, but my heart has already loved Zhang for a long time. I know my husband isn't ready for adoption at this point in our lives...I don't know if he will ever be. I'm not pushing him. I know that if God wants us to adopt, He will put the desire in Warren's heart, no amount of nagging on my part will do that! Warren knows where my heart is, but he is the leader of our home, I respect and love him.
Please join me in praying for Zhang. Pray that he is safe, loved, and healthy. Pray that God will send someone into his life that can tell him about the love of Jesus. Pray that God will send a mommy and a daddy who will love Zhang with all their hearts.