Tough day...

This working mom thing is hard.
This morning, the other teachers at the preschool and I loaded up and went to another preschool to observe how they do things. I got the children all up and fed breakfast. I took the older two to school, and then I met the other teachers. Today was Hubby's day off, so he stayed with Bethany. We were gone all morning, and I got home just in time to get Bethany down for a nap. I spent most of nap time working on paperwork for the preschool. Just as Bethany woke up I was leaving to run a few errands and pick the older two up from school. She was not quite awake yet, and chose to stay home with daddy. I came home to drop Andrew off (Abbie went to girl scouts). I had about 10 minutes before I had to leave to go to a preschool board meeting. Bethany grabbed my hand and started to cry. "Mommy, please don't leave me. I love you. I want you." Oh my sweet baby...I love you. I want you, too! So, I sat on the couch and snuggled with her as long as I possibly could before leaving for my meeting which lasted almost 2 hours. I had tears in my eyes as I drove to the meeting. I feel bad for being gone so much today. But next year, she'll be with me most of the day (she'll be at a sitter's in the morning 3 mornings a week, but at school with me in the afternoons). It was a hard day, I am not used to this. Hopefully this won't happen on a regular basis where I'm gone for two things in one day...but occasionally it will. I'm just thankful that she got to stay home with Daddy today.
Then, this evening, she was fighting with her brother (big surprise, those two are like oil and water...they DO NOT MIX!), and wouldn't listen to me. What did I do? Did I patiently get down on her level and explain what she needed to do? NO! I YELLED! I SCREAMED! I pretty-much turned into a two-year old throwing a tantrum! I told her to shut her mouth and listen to ME! I was Monster-Mom...I HATE MONSTER-Mom!! I hate even more that I turn into that sometimes! I'm so sorry baby. Mommy loves you more than anything...I'm sorry I lost my temper. I hate that the short time I was able to be home today turned out so poorly.
I will try harder tomorrow. I will spend as much time with you as I can. I will hug you a lot! I will read stories to you. I will tickle you. I will whisper "I love you" into your sweet neck. I will not let Monster-Mom come back, and if she comes knocking, I'll politely tell her to go away!

My headache seems to be coming and going. Sometimes it's really bad, and other times I feel pretty much normal. I think it's mostly sinuses now, with just a bit of a tension headache thrown in for good measure. Thanks for the advise and prayers...I appreciate them all!